


Jack-O'-Lantern

by ArsenicHazard



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anger, Arguments, Betting, Experiments, Fighting, Gen, Minor Injuries, Minor Violence, Pumpkins, survey corps
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:22:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22621732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArsenicHazard/pseuds/ArsenicHazard
Summary: Hanji decides to test Levi's temper over extra food rations.(Originally written for Inktober 2016)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	Jack-O'-Lantern

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I know there are many discrepancies between the name and pronouns for Hange/Hanji/Hans. In this case, I am using Hanji and gender neutral pronouns, enjoy!

"Levi!" Hanji screamed, racing down the hall. Having a long stride, only fueled by their excitement, the crazy scientist burst through the door, causing the shorter man to spill his tea all over his hands.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Hanji.” He grumbled, moving to wipe up the mess. “What’s got you all riled up. New titan saliva? Please don’t tell me you brought it here.”

“Oooooh did Captain Levi say please???” They teased, moving over and squeezing his cheek to his dismay. He lifted an arm to bat them away from him, casting a glare that was lost on their excited expression.

“Nevermind. Everything is always in through one ear, out the other with you,” Levi set his cup to the side, giving her his attention, “what did you want to tell me?” Having almost forgotten in their joking, they had to think for a minute before remembering.

“Right! We got a new case of rations from the inner city! And, and! Guess what?”

The look Levi had on his face was close to deadpan. “I’m not going to guess-“

“THEY GAVE US A PUMPKIN!” Hanji shrieked, bouncing between each foot as they tugged the smaller captain up and all but dragging him down the hall to the supply cupboard. Sure enough, when Hanji opened the door, the usual crate was accompanied by a large pumpkin. The man raised his eyebrow, crossing his arms.

“I got dragged down here for this? Why is this so special?” He grumbled. Hanji looked like they had been stabbed by his words. Typical dramatic Hanji.

“What do you mean ‘why is this so special’ it’s a pumpkin! We can carve it out and have fun with it!”

“I think you are forgetting that not only are we outside the wall, fighting  _ titans _ , but we are low on food supplies, and this-“ he gestured to the pumpkin, “-is food. Not some silly decoration that anyone can just carve out and use for fun. This is  _ food _ Hanji.” He said, his voice dead serious. He did things based on his own logic, and it seemed every time Hanji opened their loud mouth, they were proclaiming everyone do something entirely illogical. Rather than kill the female titan, Levi had lost his entire crew so that Erwin and Hanji could have their playdate with the stupid beast. Look how fucking great that turned out. And here he was again, faced with feeding the rest of the team a bit more food each, or feeding Hanji’s growing urge to experiment and have ‘fun’.

“But Levi-“

“No!” He said loudly. He wasn’t one to yell if it was unnecessary, but this was crossing a line he was not going to sit by and ignore. “No Hanji.” He lowered his voice once more, catching himself. “I will not let you waste our food. We have so little mouths to feed as it is, I am not letting them eat less for you.”

Hanji seemed shocked at his outburst. They looked back at the pumpkin, their lips forming a pout. “Okay.” Hanji whispered, seeming crestfallen. Levi, frankly, didn’t give two shits if their feelings were hurt. They were acting selfish, and he was not going to let that pass. Leaving the inventory where it was, Levi moved to busy himself with other work than was required before day’s end.

Dinner rolled around, and despite Levi’s expectations of the included pumpkin, they only ate their normal meals. Nobody but him, Hanji and Erwin seemed to know about the addition to their food, so nobody remarked about it. Strange, he thought, since the food was fresh and thus should be eaten before it went rotten. Deciding to take a trip down to the inventory closet again, he pulled open the door, looking inside for the newest crate.

What he saw, when he stepped further in, let him reason that the dismembering of all of Hanji’s limbs from their body, was not as far fetched as the idea seemed. Lifting the pumpkin in his hands, his face morphed into one of complete fury. There, in his hands, was a carved pumpkin, smiling back at him with its stupid fucking triangle eyes and grin. He set it down on the table before he could do something brash like chuck it across the room. His hands were practically shaking in anger as he moved to the door, leaving the closet and making his way to Hanji’s office. By now, he had run through every scenario in his head about their explanation. All of which ended in him beating the living shit out of them.

“ _ HANJI!” _ He hollered, not caring if he disturbed them. His fist pounded on the door, silently daring Hanji to be brave enough to open it.

The door opened only a second later, the innocent look of Hanji’s painted on their face. Levi didn’t even give them time to speak. He grabbed the collar of their shirt, storming into their room. The action forced them to stumble back, off balance until the small of their back hit the edge of the desk. Levi took a swing at them, rage driving his fist into their jaw.

“You are the worst  _ fucking idiot! _ ” He screamed, punching again on the other side. They coughed, blood staining their teeth as they held up their hands for surrender.

“Wait, wait wait!” They said hurriedly. Levi was already forming another fist, his knuckles red, sweating slightly. His breath came out in enraged gasps, glaring at Hanji.

“You carved it. You fucking carved it. After I explained to you how important food is to the Corps, you  _ carved it. _ ” Anger threatened to morph into despair as he stared at them. They had lost that food, and no amount of maiming would bring it back. He shoved them into the desk, letting go as he shook his head. “I can’t fucking believe you.”

And yet, through all of it, Levi noticed Hanji was smiling. The psychopath was  _ smiling. _

Grabbing a handkerchief to wipe the blood on Hanji’s mouth they straightened. Those bruises would definitely be there tomorrow. Serves me right, Hanji mused internally, for experimenting on the most dangerous man in the Corps. They moved around the back of the desk, crouching and lifting up a second pumpkin. Oh if only they could capture Levi’s expression right then.

“You- what?” He whispered, staring at the pumpkin, then at Hanji.

“The suppliers gave us two. I went to Erwin and asked if I could conduct a little experiment. He seemed fine with the idea, wanting to know just how far you would go in consideration for your team.”

Levi blinked, having literally no words. Hanji continued.

“Don’t worry, all the pumpkin that we carved is going to be used for food supplies and put into dishes. We didn’t waste any of it. I’m so glad I can report our findings now. He won the bet.” Hanji smiled widely at him. “You don’t happen to have ten dollars to spare, do you?”

Levi finally found his words, taking a slow breath to remain calm. “You. Bet. On. Me.” He looked over at them, eventually rolling his eyes. “Get the fuck over here so I can  _ strangle _ you for doing that to me.”


End file.
